Secret Fantasies

Believe me that -at 50- any person knows what life is and have planned what it could have been. I don´t remember having too big dreams, except that of finding a girl I could love my whole life, any I like and could trust fully, one easy to love and to be cared, an affective friend, simply honest, and transparent enough (so I could see her emotions, thoughts, feelings and troubles that need my attention).

I gave a sigh while writings these words. At youth I was more self-centered than today. We are what we are and it´s easy to see -within you- to know what you like, what you´d like or love, and I don´t want to forget that young face I saw yesterday while traveling and talking on a bus home (she´s the daughter of a friend and I´m happy for the woman she is going to be).

Guess what? I never knew how girls were. I was so concerned on sex in my youth that paid too little attention to their hearts. I´m far from knowing it all, but I know whom I am to run away now.

I know there were women and girls who wanted things I don´t have and don´t plan to own. I´m thankful to understand what they want -to spare my time and hers. I´ve heard some of them want a wedding party to attend 100 or 200 people. I, myself, don´t have to pay for the cost of a wedding or raising more children, so I´m planning to be alone, to keep my life and mind in peace.

There are many who have bizarre fantasies. There was one who wanted to have intercourse in a bus and, recently, I knew that Christians and unbeliever women had sexual fantasies like those who want intercourse with two or more men, at the same time! (Lev. 18:17-18)

Experience tells me these ideas come from porno videos and our sins. Truth told me there are areas in our mind claiming to be pleased, because these ideas are not receiving attention, loving care from spouses and I know religion helps but little (or nothing) if we don´t have God ruling above our hearts as King, with Jesus.

Have a look on Genesis 49:4. Ruben touched his father´s woman. Jacob spoke on his son´s mistake and sexual sin. I like NLT because the Spanish version uses a clearer meaning on faults and sins.

Some men and women had their fantasies done, bizarres or not. 

Potiphar´s wife had a frequent erotic fantasy with Joseph (Gen. 39:6b-7). These luring ideas are commonly thought by women (or men) and are not publicly confessed or denounced (no matter we claim to be holy Christians). 

When I was a child I remember there were two aunts who wanted me with her sexual desires and, when I came to be old enough I laid in bed with one of them, just because I thought I would find pleasure or an enduring joy, but how wrong I was! (I remember how stinky I felt after that sin).

I´m thankful God forgave me when I turned to Jesus. The burden of sin was heavy, I deserved death penalty (according to God´s law) I´m saved by grace, while fighting against evil thoughts or wrong desires.

What can I give those who are despaired and singled? One hand and the name of Jesus, the Christ.

Sin is not derogatory. It is like a woman whom I have to run away. Sin is like Potiphar´s wife, or that sin I made before coming to God and Jesus (Lev. 18:13)

Not all men (or women) you know will tell you: “I have some pornographic ideas”. Not all men will tell you: “I hate sodomism, but I like lesbian girls”. What´s the difference? God made woman for man. It´s up to us the sex we chose to practice. We are given the will to make right or wrong! (Lev. 18:23, 18)