Somewhat disappointed...

I don´t know why God chose to "speak" through "messengers" instead of a direct talk and, when you said to me "man of God" I doubted it. How could I be His if I´m left alone (except you or my few friends).

I don´t even know what to believe in! Except in those things I do know firsthand.

When I pray I feel I am all alone, talking to myself and, on this case typing to a computer, I know I am writing to a screen and, somehow, these lines will reach you, and several servers also but, how do I know God is reading my mind at this desolation I feel? Particularly, when I can work, but can´t get my way through to a job, to get the money I need to avoid the pain of feeling hungry?

I am near to be desperate, hopeless and disappointed.